i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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