Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
