I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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