just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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