who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
