just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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