Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Dear god my vagina.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
