I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
