the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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