No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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