If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
