From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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