Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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