The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
