There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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