I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize