someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
