I just threw up on my dentist
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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