so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
