were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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