god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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