All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
