we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
