tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
