we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Found the puke drawer
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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