ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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