we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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