He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
