My sheets look like a crime scene.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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