I wish I could punch you in the face.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
