Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he told me I talked like a deaf person
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
