so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
