need another drink. this is the easiest way
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
