We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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