Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize