girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
