If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
