no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
