this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
