Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
