that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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