yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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