Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
