He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
