A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
