I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
