I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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