She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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