I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
