I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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