No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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