i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
