If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
BRING THE BAGELS
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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