The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
