If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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