i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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