Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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