TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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