bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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