jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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