I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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