i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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