The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
