Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
