At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
