i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
