We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
