listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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