i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
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remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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