Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
