the condom got lost in my hair
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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